motherhood-

my 'son-shine' turned 4 weeks old this wednesday. it's amazing how much he has already changed. it seems like he knows what he likes & dislikes - and doesn't hesitate to let you know. his face has filled out, he makes consistent eye contact, and he loves to allow his eyes to roam the room to explore.

and me- well, i think i've got this 'motherhood' thing down. (that is if you overlook a few things.)

some days i don't get a shower until 2pm-
some days i just don't shower. (call first before you visit.) :)
some days i find the cereal box in the fridge & the milk in the cabinet.
some days the dishes stay in the sink all day long.
some days I put dryer sheets in the wash.
some days i don't get to the laundry at all.
some days my shirt is 'crunchy' from 'runaway' milk & my hair is matted with spit-up.
some days jett is 'crunchy' from 'runaway' milk & his hair is matted with spit-up.
some days i find dirty silverware in the drawer.
most days i just eat with my fingers.
some days i get a nap-
some days i just watch jett while he sleeps.
some days all i accomplish is locating the remote in time for gilmore girls and breastfeeding.
some days i just hold the boy.

some days i wonder if it will ever get any easier-
some days i wonder if i'm cut out to be a 'mom'.

some day i'll look back at these trying moments & miss this precious time in my life . . .
and wish i could do it all again.

i give thanks

this thanksgiving has new meaning for me.


today i give thanks for a tiny heart that beats without fault.
i give thanks for two bright eyes that take in a whole new world.
i give thanks for lungs that fill & release air in perfect time.
i give thanks for 10 tiny toes & 10 tiny fingers. (he has his dad's gorgeous hands)
i give thanks for a mouth that longs to feed on milk i can provide.
i give thanks for strong bones & muscles. (he gets these from dad too)
i give thanks for his perfectly crafted body, healthy & complete.
i give thanks for his working organs, that they function on demand.
i give thanks that he was created in god's image, and given to us to love.
i give thanks to be chosen to be his mom.
i give thanks for his dad - the love of my life.

i give thanks for my husband, our families, and now this precious boy-

happy birthday dad-

the nursery is finished.

our bags are packed.

the car seat is installed. (who knows if we did that right!)

the due date is fast approaching.

it's almost time!

we had an appointment today - doc C says it's time for jett to 'land'. we go to the hospital tomorrow @5pm - and they will induce wednesday morn. wow - it's almost time.

wednesday will be my dad's 71st birthday. and i have to say it will be an honor to have my son on this day. my dad is one of my very favorite people - he has been solid ground for me for 30 years now. he was hard on me when he had to be, and even more loving than i could ever deserve. his heart is a source of comfort - no matter what the 'situation' brings. he offers advice when i ask, wisdom without even saying a word, and love with every gesture. god blessed me the day he 'gave' me my dad. i used to thank my sweet grandmother for having a son -

and now i get to have one on the same day -

71 years later.

i hope jett will have some of the same wonderful qualities as his grandpa.

happy birthday dad - i love you more than words can say.
happy birthday grandpa - love, jett.

that's why he's so cool-

my husband is so cool. he'll be talking to someone about sports and all the sudden he spouts off all these statistics and facts about players that i have no clue he knows about. (not that i 'know' what he knows but we do talk a lot.) he is like this walking, talking espn show & the information is always plentiful, up to date & readily available. i can tell it truly interests him yet i have no idea when he absorbs all the details. maybe he secretly watches tv while i sleep.

everyday i learn something new about him -

that's why he's so cool.

37 weeks

we made it- jett august is now considered 'full term' - and despite the doc's concerns of him being 'too small' - i'm convinced this child has more strength than i ever thought about having. i know if he came tonite he would be just fine. for 9 months i have witnessed his relentless pursuit of life, growth and all that goes with the miracle of pregnancy. i haven't 'met' him yet but i know he will be an example of courage to his mom.

this shadow will remain

friday after work, j & i went to the canyon. it was so beautiful. the air was crisp & the sun was warm - somehow god allowed the two to co-exist. we hiked & explored - and talked about how jett would be with us in only a few weeks. wow - it is almost time. and we can't wait to take him to the canyon with us. i wonder if this boy will love the outdoors as much as his dad. i have this feeling they will be 'out' and about often. :)

my belly continues to grow - and he is moving around much better these days. hopefully the ingenious methods we have been trying (see jgiraffe.blogspot.com for detailed descriptions & a good laugh) have worked their magic & he is head down once again. i am starting to think about the stages of labor more & more. i have tried to be open-minded & drop any expectations i have. my ultimate goal is to get jett here safe & sound, healthy. if that means another incision, then so be it. i have learned during these past 8 months to 'let go' of this body. it is merely a vessel - and housing for the biggest miracle i have yet to witness. i am in awe - i'm pregnant - with 5 weeks to go. my mind will not forget these moments . . . this shadow will remain in my memory forever.

my lil' sissy

a sister is someone with whom you have shared your home, your history, and your heart.

my sister has been so much to me - she has cared for me beyond measure & loved me when i was 'unlovable'. she believes in me even when i don't believe in myself. how blessed i am to have such an incredible being as my 'lil sissy'.

thank you for loving me for all my 30 years.

birthday at bodega's

today i turn 30.

i look forward to the days ahead- with my husband, my best friend.

goodbye 29-

unconditional love.

this past week, sitting across from j at a restaurant we've been to so many times, i realized just how lucky i am. most of the people i've met in this world are conditional - only coming around when the 'conditions' are 'favorable.' it's very rare to find a friend that will stand the test of time no matter what the tides bring in. i have this with my husband. he's right there with me - and has been through very good & very hard times. j - thank you for being you - i'm blessed to know you, to love you & to be loved by you.

i've decided pregnancy is a tricky beast. just when i think i'm handling it pretty well, something new comes along & throws me off course. just last night i spent most of the evening convinced i was having a heart attack - numbness & tingling down my left arm, tightness in my chest, aches in my shoulders & back. trying not to alarm j - aka 'the pregnancy police' - i didn't voice much of my fear. (he was already thinking we needed to head for the er.) i tried to play it off as 'heartburn of a new kind' or 'carpel tunnel syndrome gone wild.' all the while thinking 'what if?' i can't imagine not being able to meet this little guy inside of me that i've come to love beyond words. i dream of holding him & looking into his eyes - wishing him all kinds of happiness & praying that the world is good to him. i have to meet my son.

so, after cool wash cloths, magic massage by j, a heating pad, and many prayers, i finally decide it might not be as serious as i had thought & finally fell asleep despite the aches & pains. and jett - never missing a beat - was sure to do his routine exercise regimen, waking me at 2am & then again at 4am, 'running' in my belly for a good 30 minutes each session. he's going to be one fit boy! (that's what i get for marrying j. the boy does not rest.) :)

today i'm back to normal - having 'survived' one more weird pregnancy 'glitch' in the system. j is more tired than normal, not getting much sleep because of his pregnant wife. still he stays- doing what he can to make this journey more tolerable. uncondition support. unconditional love.

aussies with hair

let it be-

it's slowly becoming a reality.

my belly is growing. there is no denying that a 'being' is alive & well inside my rounded middle.

some days it doesn't seem real. i barely remember to feed the dogs & j would misplace his teeth if they were 'falsies.' how can we be trusted with a child?

maybe we'll take the same approach to parenthood as we do with marriage-

love, laugh, learn, live in the moment, let it be.

this moment

3 years ago i was told by my doctor that having a baby would not be possible.

today, 6 months into this journey toward motherhood, i got to see my son's face on the screen. i saw that he's healthy - with a strong heartbeat, full belly and weighing in @ 1 pound, 12 ounces. i 'feel' his energy every day more & more.

in 3 months i will meet my son for the first time. i envision him having his father's eyes . . . and i fear being putty in his hands if that's the case. our lives will change forever, as they've already begun to do. the path is rocky no doubt. and who knows what direction it will take. all i have is this moment.

this moment to be in love with my husband.

this moment to celebrate this miracle that lives inside of me.

this moment to bask in this blessing.

burning blog

my first entry in my first blog. happy hi-me? :)

i've kept a journal most of my (almost) thirty years. and as soon as i fill up the last pages of a book, i light a match. as my words go up in flames, i am reassured that NO-ONE else will read my crazy thoughts. and now- here i am- writing for all the world to see. what am i thinking? (it could be my husband's relentless 'encouragement'.)

now all i have to do is figure out how to burn this d*&@#$ thing when i'm done!

i can see the headlines now- crazy blonde sets her 'blog' on fire - destroys husband's prized apple laptop.

sorry honey - but i warned you.

airplanes & mountains