unconditional love.

this past week, sitting across from j at a restaurant we've been to so many times, i realized just how lucky i am. most of the people i've met in this world are conditional - only coming around when the 'conditions' are 'favorable.' it's very rare to find a friend that will stand the test of time no matter what the tides bring in. i have this with my husband. he's right there with me - and has been through very good & very hard times. j - thank you for being you - i'm blessed to know you, to love you & to be loved by you.

i've decided pregnancy is a tricky beast. just when i think i'm handling it pretty well, something new comes along & throws me off course. just last night i spent most of the evening convinced i was having a heart attack - numbness & tingling down my left arm, tightness in my chest, aches in my shoulders & back. trying not to alarm j - aka 'the pregnancy police' - i didn't voice much of my fear. (he was already thinking we needed to head for the er.) i tried to play it off as 'heartburn of a new kind' or 'carpel tunnel syndrome gone wild.' all the while thinking 'what if?' i can't imagine not being able to meet this little guy inside of me that i've come to love beyond words. i dream of holding him & looking into his eyes - wishing him all kinds of happiness & praying that the world is good to him. i have to meet my son.

so, after cool wash cloths, magic massage by j, a heating pad, and many prayers, i finally decide it might not be as serious as i had thought & finally fell asleep despite the aches & pains. and jett - never missing a beat - was sure to do his routine exercise regimen, waking me at 2am & then again at 4am, 'running' in my belly for a good 30 minutes each session. he's going to be one fit boy! (that's what i get for marrying j. the boy does not rest.) :)

today i'm back to normal - having 'survived' one more weird pregnancy 'glitch' in the system. j is more tired than normal, not getting much sleep because of his pregnant wife. still he stays- doing what he can to make this journey more tolerable. uncondition support. unconditional love.

aussies with hair

let it be-

it's slowly becoming a reality.

my belly is growing. there is no denying that a 'being' is alive & well inside my rounded middle.

some days it doesn't seem real. i barely remember to feed the dogs & j would misplace his teeth if they were 'falsies.' how can we be trusted with a child?

maybe we'll take the same approach to parenthood as we do with marriage-

love, laugh, learn, live in the moment, let it be.

this moment

3 years ago i was told by my doctor that having a baby would not be possible.

today, 6 months into this journey toward motherhood, i got to see my son's face on the screen. i saw that he's healthy - with a strong heartbeat, full belly and weighing in @ 1 pound, 12 ounces. i 'feel' his energy every day more & more.

in 3 months i will meet my son for the first time. i envision him having his father's eyes . . . and i fear being putty in his hands if that's the case. our lives will change forever, as they've already begun to do. the path is rocky no doubt. and who knows what direction it will take. all i have is this moment.

this moment to be in love with my husband.

this moment to celebrate this miracle that lives inside of me.

this moment to bask in this blessing.

burning blog

my first entry in my first blog. happy hi-me? :)

i've kept a journal most of my (almost) thirty years. and as soon as i fill up the last pages of a book, i light a match. as my words go up in flames, i am reassured that NO-ONE else will read my crazy thoughts. and now- here i am- writing for all the world to see. what am i thinking? (it could be my husband's relentless 'encouragement'.)

now all i have to do is figure out how to burn this d*&@#$ thing when i'm done!

i can see the headlines now- crazy blonde sets her 'blog' on fire - destroys husband's prized apple laptop.

sorry honey - but i warned you.

airplanes & mountains